I wanted to give a quick update on how this second pregnancy is going, as well as share our new baby’s gender (if you haven’t read the news on Facebook yet) and the baby’s name.
First of all, tomorrow I will be 19 weeks, and things are going perfectly normal, which is still a crazy concept for me to truly comprehend. At our last ultrasound, 3 weeks ago, the baby’s brain structure looked normal, her profile looked normal, her heart looked normal, and there were no signs of a cleft lip. Praise the Lord! It’s such a foreign thing to hear actual good news at an ultrasound—with Sophia it was just visit after visit of doctors telling us our baby was going to die. I admit, I still struggle with the fear of losing the precious one and the transferring of Sophia’s illnesses unto this baby, but it’s something I am working on. With God’s help I hope to be able to continue to enjoy a healthy, normal pregnancy and receive it with joy instead of fear.
Anyways, on to the big news!
We’re having a little…………………..
…girl! (in case that wasn’t clear from this photo.)
And we’ve decided to name our precious little girl:
Thank you to all of you who have been praying for Charlotte and myself (as well as Dave!), and please continue to pray that this pregnancy will remain healthy and normal, and that in 4 1/2 months we will be able to have our sweet girl home with us.
ALL ABOUT BABY #2!
Hey everyone, sorry this blog has been so quiet. I have always had a hard time with blogging transitions: the ending of one type of regular posting (Sophia’s letters) and the beginning of another. It seems surreal that my last post on this blog was a letter to my dead daughter, and this post is all about our new baby. God has been so, so good to us in the hard times and in the good and I’m happy to share about both.
For those of you who were a little shocked by the title of this post (and aren’t connected to me on Facebook) YES, we are pregnant again! We announced it about two weeks ago, but I haven’t said much about it since, so I’ll use this post to share all the details we know so far about this precious 15 1/2 week old.
When did we find out I was pregnant? On June 26th.
How did we find out? Well, the obvious answer is through a positive pregnancy test, but I’ll share more of that story: A few days before I took the test I had been feeling some nausea off and on, and had been feeling a bit more fatigued than normal. Although I had that little voice in the back of my head saying “maybe you’re pregnant!” I pretty much ignored it since I had felt all these things before and not been pregnant. Ever since Sophia passed away we knew we wanted another baby, and sometimes I wanted it so much that physical symptoms of pregnancy were manifested. I had probably taken about 10 pregnancy tests prior to our positive one, off and on throughout the past year. The day I got the positive result, I told myself just to go out and buy a pregnancy test so I could take it, get the negative, and shut that voice up in my head once and for all. I didn’t want to tell Dave I was taking this test since I really thought it would be negative, and didn’t want to involve him in another heartache. So, I told a little white lie, that I was going to get lunch (which I did get) but also went to the drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test (that part I didn’t tell him.) I waited until he went to work, and Champ was taking a nap, and decided to take the test. You’re supposed to wait 3 minutes from the time you pee on the stick, so I stood outside the bathroom that entire time. At the end of the three minutes I slowly peeked my head around the door and tiptoed in, almost as if the test were an explosive device or something. When I saw the two pink lines (which means positive) I was SHOCKED. Shock and fear were the first emotions that went through me, not happiness. I remember just pacing around the house saying “oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh” over and over again. Then, I drank a big glass of water and took another test just to make sure the first one wasn’t faulty. Sure enough, another set of pink lines. I remember crying out to God begging him not to take this baby from us. I was so scared because now the potential for loss was there again, the potential for all the pain we had just waded through with Sophia. The pain of infertility and wanting a child are very strong and sharp, but in my opinion, the pain of losing a child is even greater and deeper. Now that we had those two pink lines, the stakes had gone up dramatically and we were put back in the shooting range again with the potential to get hit. I got the results from the second pregnancy test at 1:29, and Dave’s first class started at 1:30, so I knew there was no way I could call him and bombard him with this huge news right before starting work. So, I had to sit with all this for four hours before he came home that afternoon.
How did I tell Dave? The day before I had started leaving little “I love you because…” notes for him, so I figured I would use those as a decoy for sharing the big news with him. I put the two (washed) pregnancy tests in a box (the only box I had on hand was a box that held tubes of oil paints) and on top of the box put a note that said “I love you because of the wonderful, loving father that you were to Sophia…” and inside the box, on top of the tests, had another note that said “and for the wonderful father you will be to this precious new one.” When he got home I told him that I had another note to give him, and he went into our room to read it. At first he just read the top note and smiled a little, then he opened the box. Now, because it was a box for paints, and the ends of the pregnancy tests were blue and pink, at first he thought I was just giving him some paints. But he lifted up the note, saw the other end of the tests, and his head shot up. He said in the most serious voice “No. Are you serious?” I started laughing and said, “Well, it’s not Champ’s pee.” Then he actually took the time to read the note and said “Noooo, are you kidding?” (this time with a huge smile on his face) and I just said “I don’t think so.” It was a wonderful moment!
How did the first doctor’s visits go? About a week after getting the positive test I was able to see the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. It had taken so long to actually get in to see the doctor that Dave had left for work, and I was alone. I was terrified of getting bad news on my own, but thankfully my parents (who had been out of the city) were just coming back in on the train and my mom was able to make it to the appointment and go in with me. That first visit the doctor confirmed one embryo in my uterus. It was official, I was really pregnant! At that visit she thought I was only 4-5 weeks along, so she told me to come back the next week to see if the baby was still growing. We went back this next week (this time Dave was able to be there) and sure enough the little “blob” had grown. We were officially six weeks pregnant! We had another appointment two weeks later to listen for a heartbeat, and if that sounded ok I’d officially become a “pregnant patient.” Up until they hear the heartbeat they don’t really consider you officially pregnant. At eight weeks Dave and I went back, and I was extremely nervous. Ok, I was extremely nervous for each visit, but for this one especially. I knew that I had continued to experience pregnancy symptoms, but I still so scared to hear the bad news that there was no heartbeat. When we finally got into the ultrasound room and the doctor pulled up the image of our baby, one of the first things she said was “the heartbeat looks stronger.” Those words were beautiful music to my ears!